Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
