The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
