you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
