Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
