Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
