We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
