My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
