I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The air was thick with penises
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
