can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
