I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the raccoons are back...
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