So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its liver damage thursday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
