no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
