just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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