I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
