So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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