sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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