The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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