dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
