His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
