I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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