Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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