So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
