You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
