You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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