It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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