3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
