I think im going to throw up on grandma
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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