mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
