we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
