My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
