I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
