I can tuck mytits in my pants
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
