I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
