I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
