i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
