I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
