I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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