Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
