mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
