I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
