Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
