thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
