Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
