I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
