sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
