Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
