i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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