im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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