And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
