I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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